You don't leave Harry out of lists
by dhufflebee
Summary: It's a hot afternoon in the Avengers tower. Nothing much happens, until Darcy unleashes all her Potterhead-ness. Menacing glances and laughter ensue.


Hi everyone! This is the very first fic I post... like ever. I hope you'll enjoy!

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 **YOU DON'T LEAVE HARRY OUT OF LISTS**

It was a typical Saturday afternoon in the Avengers Tower. Well, not in a "let's-save-the-world" sort of way, but more along the line of "ugh-it's-too-hot-to-do-anything-outdoor". Almost every Avenger had chosen the lounge room to spend the warmest hours of the day, hoping Stark's air cooling system was as good as he bragged it was. High-tech as it was, though, it could do very little for the three grown-up men who were sitting on the couch. There had been some furious yelling of «Dibs!» as Thor, Bruce and Tony had entered the room half an hour earlier, and none of them was willing to leave the claimed spot yet. «Toddlers», Natasha had addressed them, before sitting on an armchair, immediately mimicked by Clint, who had jumped on the armchair opposite the couch and was now lying with his right leg on the headrest. The little couch seemed to be holding well the responsibility of three Avengers sitting on it, but they were not comfortable, at all. Thor's hair was all over Bruce's right side of the face, while Tony had claimed half the couch «because I'm holding a giant bowl of mini-pretzels for all of you losers. They need air to stay fresh and crispy». After a few minutes, Bruce had decided to drag himself up from the couch to sit onto the table right behind it.

No one was actually doing anything (too hot even for talking) except for Pepper, who was reorganising the bookshelves in the lounge room, mostly because of an unfortunate incident with the remote, a blender, and the booklet of an IKEA cabinet. Every once in a while she would go and grab some pretzels out of the bowl in Tony's lap, ruffling his hair and smiling while returning near the shelves.

With a ringing noise, the elevator doors opened and Darcy exited, looking exhausted and waving a huge yellow plastic fan in front of her face. «Hi guys!» she said, resting her elbows on top of Clint's armchair and shoving his foot out of the way. «Hey, where's Steve?»

«In the gym» Natasha answered.

«What? Is he mad or something? It's too hot to even breath and he's training?» Nat simply shrugged. «Ok, I'm gonna get him up here. No way he's missing such a fun afternoon!» Darcy said while pointing at the couch with the fan and raising one eyebrow mockingly. «Jeez, guys, tone down your enthusiasm or he'll be overwhelmed!» and with that she disappeared in the elevator again. Pepper barely suppressed a laugh, and Clint put his leg where it was before.

Hardly a couple of minutes had passed when a muffled screech erupted from below the lounge room. Thor immediately stood up, looking around for Mjolnir, causing Tony to almost drop the bowl of pretzels. Nat didn't move, but her body clearly stiffened, while Clint straightened on the armchair with a fast movement; Pepper was nowhere to be seen, and Bruce only clenched the table's side, ready for whatever was to be faced.

Then, all they heard was a ringing noise, half covered by a loud «What?!». Darcy stormed out of the elevator and into the lounge room, brandishing a black notebook and pulling Steve by his arm. «Guys, I feel personally offended!» she screamed, glaring at the lot of them while Steve was standing beside her with a towel in his hand, a sweaty tee and an expression meaning "I've no part in this, please don't hate me".

Seeing what the potential danger actually was, the Avengers all huffed and relaxed. Thor let himself fall heavily again on the couch, not before Tony had managed to snatch the bowl of snacks out of the way. Pepper reappeared from the kitchen and went to sit on the table near Bruce, who asked: «What the hell is it, Darcy? Man, we thought something bad was happening!»

«Something bad IS happening!» Darcy retorted. «Which of you dummies left _Harry Potter_ out of Steve's list?» she asked, stretching the arm in front of her and opening the notebook to show the infamous scribbled pages.

«What?» Nat asked under her breath, brows furrowed.

Darcy ignored her and went on with her ranting: «I mean, I understand why you wrote these things for Steve to catch up on. Like, he was probably the last living adult left to be spoiled about Luke's father, and he needed to know about the moon and all... but _Harry Potter_? How could you leave it out of it? Who decided good ol' hoggy warty Hogwarts wasn't worthy of Steve's attention?»

He handed the notebook back to Steve, then she proceeded to shoot menacing glances to each of them. This seemed to have some effect on Thor, who couldn't stare back at her and scratched the back of his head. Darcy smirked, but half-angrily exclaimed: «Oh Thor, come on! You were so thrilled when Jane and I made you watch the Potter movies! I thought you'd vouch for the Chosen One!»

«Er- I- In my defence I will say that I was not acquainted with the adventures of the tiny wizard at the time that list was created».

«Darcy, he's an alien. He actually had no part in tha-» Clint tried to say, but she silenced him with a glare.

Steve, still confused as ever, couldn't avoid asking: «Why do you feel "personally offended", Darcy? I don't get it...»

«Yeah, Darcy, tell us, puh-lease! We're so eager to know why Captain America needs a teen wizard in his life!» Tony teased, shoving a handful of mini-pretzels into his mouth.

«Drop it, Tony. We all know you cried like a baby during the scene in the forest», Bruce told him, punching his shoulder.

Darcy sighed and put a hand on Steve's arm. Then she immediately jerked it away – man, the guy was damp with sweat! She smiled at Steve nonetheless and turned to face the others.

«Oh no... her eyes are glistening. Who will stop her rant now? There she is, excitedly-babbling-Darcy...» Tony said with a low voice.

«Sounds like a tech guy I know» Pepper retorted, with equally low voice. «Just listen to her».

However, Potterhead-Darcy was just too enthusiastic to be taken aback by Tony's comment. «Guys, don't you understand? _Harry Potter_ is for everyone. _Harry Potter_ is of everyone. _Harry Potter_ IS everyone! There's the super-committed guy who's in love with the redheaded badass woman», she declared, gesturing towards Tony.

Pepper's face brightened with a huge smile - «Yay Darcy! Ginger witches are the powerful ones!»

«Just telling the truth, here! There's also the academic with a secret, big problem». Bruce slightly blushed.

«The awesome young woman who shapeshifts her way through the rescue of the world». She winked at Nat, who winked back.

«There's the sadly underrated guy with an interest for unusual, ancient weapons». Clint felt rather smug about this.

«The overexcited guy who blows things up». She looked at Thor, who acknowledged that with a nod.

«I'm practically the embodiement of Hufflepuff Pride, and then there's Steve. The shy guy who got hit hard by puberty». She exclaimed, turning to face Steve and pointing at him like she was introducing a science fair.

He just shrugged and said «Thanks, I guess?», but couldn't help but feel a little embarrassed by that.

Everyone stared at Darcy for a second, and then they all erupted in sonorous laughter. Darcy huffed, clearly amused but trying to sound offended. «Well, if you still don't agree with me, I will introduce Captain Longbottom here to the wonders of Hogwarts! Come on, you, let's go have a movie marathon!» she said, and guided Steve towards the elevator.

«Hey, wait» Clint called, half-standing on the armchair. «Steve has kitchen duty this evening! I'm hungry!»

«He's not going to cook for any of you Muggles!» Darcy answered in a singsong voice, then pushed Steve inside the elevator. «Er- you're definitely showering first. Ugh».

For a couple of seconds, none of the Avengers managed to say a word. Then Bruce mused: «That was pretty spot on, though. There's even a semi-blind counterpart for Fury!»

«I totally agree» Thor said, amused.

Clint was once again lying on the armchair, and lifted an arm towards the couch. «Yeah well, I just can't understand why Stark always has to be the effing protagonist of everything».

«Guess why again, Charlie!» Tony mocked him, and was given the gracious gift of a middle finger by Clint.

«You know what? I think that by "committed guy and badass ginger" Darcy actually meant Mr. and Mrs. Weasley» Nat cut in, dodging several mini-pretzels thrown in her direction and laughing, while Pepper planted a kiss on top of Tony's head.

* * *

The Avengers were once again silently lounging that warm Saturday afternoon.

«May I have a word, sir?» a voice asked.

«You may», Tony answered.

«Miss Romanov is absolutely right, sir».

«Oh, shut up, Peeves!»

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I think that the Avengers/Harry Potter parallels are kind of simple to unravel. Or else, it will turn out something entirely different in your head - but hey, "Harry Potter IS everyone"! If anyone is even remotely interested in why Ron and Hermione seem to be missing, that's because in my mind they're Fitz and Simmons. Period.

Well, I hope you liked it – reviews would really make me happy!

edit I know that Darcy, as a true Potterhead, would never think better of the movies than of the books - but I think she chose the quickest way to introduce Steve to Harry Potter... and she obviously kept complaining the whole time about the movies! And poor Steve was still confused, so she made him read the books (which he liked a lot, obviously).


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